Bloopers
by Erandri
Summary: Bloopers from misc. movies that my friends and I have come up with while wondering how we aren't getting kicked out of the theater for being so noisy. Very random, very... unique, very us.
1. Twilight

Twilight Bloopers:

Edwards appearance at the cafeteria-

**Bella:** who's he?

_Edward opens the door and takes a step. Trips over door-jam and falls flat on his face._

Lab room-

**Teacher:** today we will be studying planaria aka, flatworms.

_Bella notices that Edward is holding his breath. She stiffs her hair._

**Bella:** it's not me so it must be you.

Angela and Bella talking at La Push-

**Bella:** you should ask him you're a strong independent woman.

**Angela:** really?

**Bella:** yeah

**Angela:** aw, thanks Oprah.


	2. New Moon

**we do not own twilight or any of its following books**

New Moon bloopers:

Edward coming out-

**Edward:** Bella. I have to tell you about why I went to Italy."

**Bella:** it's okay Edward. I'll never leave you, we can always be together.

**Edward:** no. no that's not it.

**Bella:** what is it then?

**Edward:** well, why I really left to go to Italy was, well, you see there's this guy.

**Bella:** Huh?

**Edward:** we met back in the 1800's when I was still young. He's tall, handsome and he's only a hundred years older than me. He really gets me you know? I don't know how it happened but, one day we were in love.

**Bella:** Come again?

**Edward:** that's why I went to Italy, to go see him and-

**Bella:** what the hell!

**Edward:** Bella?

**Bella:** so you're gay?

**Edward:** … yeah.

**Bella:** _pauses_ that would explain why you're wearing lipstick.

Scene where Jacob and Bella almost kiss-

_Jacob leans in and Ball inches closer. The phone rings and Jacob answers it_

**Jacob:** Swan residence. No, he's down at the La Push res. Bella? No, she's right here. No, you cant talk to her. Go to Hell! _hangs up phone_

**Bella:** who was that?

**Jacob:** no one. Just a telemarketer. _they begin to kiss_

_Alice walks in_

**Alice:** Bella I, Agh! Ugh, bestiality, eew. _walks out_

Movie theatre scene-

**Jacob:** Bella, I know what he did to you. it's okay you can tell me.

_Bella begins to cry_

**Bella:** It was so horrible! _hugs Jacob._ he forced himself on me! I tried to say no but-

**Jacob:** it's okay Bells.

_Jacob kisses Bella. Mike walks up and takes in scene_

**Mike:** um, yeah… I gotta go home now. _leaves_


	3. Moulin Rouge

**we do not own moulin rouge. though that would be amazing**

Moulin Rouge Bloopers:

Satine dying 1-

**Christian:** what's wrong? _wipes blood off Satine_

**Satine:** You're and idiot . Why the hell did I love you? _chokes and dies_

**Christian:** what a horrible thing to say! _drops her body and walks away_

Satine dying 2-

_Satine coughs up blood_

**Christian:** here, let me get that cool- aid *Satine dies* Hello? Wake up. Why wont you wake up?

**Zidler:** Christian, you're and idiot.

Satine telling Christian she doesn't love him-

**Satine:** the truth is I am _laughs_ sorry, sorry. I'll get it right.

The truth is, _laughs_ sorry. I'll get it. The… _laughs_

The truth is I'm the Hindu courtesan and I'm dying _walks away_

**Christian:** _Christian looks at the camera man_ what just happened?


	4. Sweeney Todd

**Okay. so, because my friends and i have next to no lives and love to pick out the errors in movies, we decided to make movie bloopers. so me (J- san), Lexie- chan, Kimi- chan and S- kun have come up with these lame bloopers for various movies. most likely there will be more to come.**

Sweeney Todd Bloopers:

Mrs. Lovett in the furnace-

**Mrs. Lovett:** Aaagh! ... You can let me out now. Guys? Oh. You did not lock this door and walk away.

_One hour later. Todd opens the door._

**Todd:** Hey! I thought you were supposed to burn to death. Why aren't you burnt to a crisp?

**Mrs. Lovett:** The producers didn't want me to burn.

**Todd:** Then why were there flames?

**Mrs. Lovett:** There's a logical explanation for that.

**Todd:** Which is?

**Mrs. Lovett:** Aliens!

_Mexican comes out of furnace and walks off the set_

Toby getting drunk during the 'little priest' scene-

**Mrs. Lovett:** it's fop, finest in the shop.

**Toby:** Ugh. Where mmm I? Hey, I know you. Ur, ugh. Wait wait I know ths. Ur. Ur. Umm.

_Passes out and falls on the floor_

(Singing)

**Todd:** What is that?

**Mrs. Lovett:** Drunk.

**Todd:** Is it any good?

**Mrs. Lovett:** No, it stinks like a skunk.

Todd and the chair-

_Finishes off another victim_

**Mrs. Lovett:** Let me get you a spot of tea.

_Mrs. Lovett goes to the door_. _She goes down the stairs and he let's out a sigh. He sits down in the chair. _

_Killing people is hard work. Reclines the chair realizes what he did_

**Todd:** Oh shiiiiiiiit!

_Falls_.

Final scene-

_Fingers poked out through the holes in the grate and started to push. The grate lifts a couple inches and a pair of eyes appear. The grate starts to wobble_

**Toby:** Oh crap. This is heavier that I thought.

_The grate slams back down with a loud clash_


	5. Misc

Wizard of Oz blooper:

_Toto jumps out open window and into tornado_

**Dorothy:** NO! Toto, you have too much to live for!!!


	6. Random Hodgepodge!

**Reader: WOAH! Erandri just updated! No way... it has to be a glitch...**

**Erandri: no dear reader, it is not a glitch! Yes, rumors of my death have been greatly exaggerated. Okay so maybe there were no rumors but this a real genuine update, and it's the last one (maybe) for this series. Yes folks, life has gotten in the way and college has thus separated my friends and I so i'm sorry to say that there is a good chance that there may be no more bloopers coming. Therefor this will be marked as complete, even though I may update at later points in time. Life is illogical like that. So anyway, you don't want to hear any more of my ramblings so without further ado... BLOOPERS!**

* * *

X-Men Bloopers

At the Statue of Liberty-

**Storm:** Logan we have to meet up with the group.

**Logan:** Yeah, but you're not part of it. _Stabs Storm_.

**Storm:** _LOGAN!_

**Logan:** Shit, it really is you.

In Logan's Truck-

**Rogue:** Looks cozy.

**Logan:** Cozy enough.

**Rogue:** You're being sarcastic.

**Logan:** Maybe. _Looks over and grins._

Ghosts of Girlfriends Past

End Chase-

_Connor flies down hill, only he cant jump out in time. He flies into the lake; the Sergeant pulls over the car and drags him out of the water._

**Connor:** _Coughs and wakes up._ Why Jenny, that was awesome CPR.

**Jenny:** _Laughs._ It wasn't me.

**Connor:** _Looks around until he sees the Sergeant giving a flirty finger wave._ Hello no. _Passes out._

Get Smart

Chase Scene-

_Hangs off banner and pulls out phone._

**Suicide Hotline:** Suicide Hotline, please don't do it. How may I help you.

**Agent:** hi, um… I'm hanging by one hand from a banner tied to the back of a moving plane flying over a train station.

**Suicide Hotline:** Huh?

Sweeny Todd

Nothing's Gonna Hurt You Scene-

**Toby: **Nothings gonna hurt you, not while I'm around… no sir…

**Mrs. L:** Toby… I'm a woman.

Nothing's Gonna Hurt You Scene Take Two-

**Toby:** Singing.

**Mrs. L:** um… Toby… _Looks at man behind her._

**Toby:** No one's gonna hurt you.

**Mrs. L:** Toby! _Getting louder as man grabs her hair._

**Toby:** I may not be smart but I ain't dumb.

**Mrs. L:** TOBY! _dragged out of room_.

**Toby:** _Finishes song and looks around._ Mum. Mum? Oh, shit.

Nothing's Gonna Hurt You Scene Take Three-

**Toby:** Singing.

**Mrs. L:** um… Toby… _Looks at Todd behind her._

**Toby:** No one's gonna hurt you.

**Mrs. L:** Toby! _Todd slits her throat._

**Toby:** I may not be smart but I ain't dumb.

**Todd:**_ Laughs_

**Toby:** _Finishes song and looks around._ Mum. Mum? Fuck.

Twilight

Tree Scene-

**James:** _sniffs tree and looks around while unzipping pants._ ah, that's better.

Hotel Scene-

**Jasper:** It's a mine. A cave. A hotel. The ocean. A carwash.

**Alice:** It's a ballet studio retard.

Hospital-

**Bella's Mom:** he never leaves does he. _points at Edward._

**Bella:** no, he's always here.

**Bella's Mom:** like a stalker? I am so getting a restraining order. _pulls out phone and walks out of room._

**Bella:** Mom! No wait, MOM!

Hospital Take Two-

**Bella-** you can text now?

**Bella's Mom:** IDK my BFF Jill.

Hospital Take Three-

**Bella:** Edward, don't ever leave me.

**Edward:** I wont… yet… _walks out of room._

**Bella:** Wait. Yet? What do you mean yet! Get back here!

Push

Bathroom Scene-

**Nick:** _comes in with fire extinguisher and hits Kira in head._ OMG! I am so sorry! I thought the bathroom was on fire!

**Kira:** Well, I wanted you to come in here. _moves forward seductively_.

**Nick:** You… you're bleeding.

Bathroom Scene Take Two-

**Nick:** _comes in with fire extinguisher and hits Kira in head._ OMG! I am so sorry! I thought the bathroom was on fire!

**Kira:** Well, I wanted you to come in here. _Moves forward seductively_.

_Fire extinguisher explodes and sprays foam all over._


End file.
